> Grief is not a sign that your faith is weak. It is a sign that you have loved, that you are human, and that you are living in a world that is not yet the way God will one day make it. If you are walking through the valley of grief right now—after a death, a miscarriage, a divorce, a broken relationship, or another deep loss—this is for you.
You do not have to hurry through your sorrow. God is not impatient with your tears.
“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
— Psalm 34:18
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1. Christian Grief Is Real Grief—But Not Without Hope
The Bible never tells us to pretend we are okay when we are not.
When Jesus stood at the tomb of His friend Lazarus, He did not give a quick lecture on heaven; He wept (John 11:35). The Son of God, knowing He was about to raise Lazarus, still entered fully into the sorrow of that moment.
The apostle Paul writes:
“…that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.”
— 1 Thessalonians 4:13
Notice what he does not say. He does not say, “do not grieve.” He says, “do not grieve as those who have no hope.” Christian grief holds two realities together:
- The pain is real. Something precious was lost.
- The hope is real. Jesus is risen, and in Him death is not the end.
Both can be true at the same time.
2. Learning to Lament: Honest Prayer in the Dark
The Bible gives us a language for sorrow called lament. Almost a third of the Psalms are laments—prayers that bring confusion, anger, tears, and questions honestly before God.
“How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?”
— Psalm 13:1
Every lament in Scripture holds together two movements:
- Honest complaint – saying to God what your heart is actually feeling:
“This hurts. I don’t understand. I feel abandoned.” - Stubborn trust – even if it is just a whisper:
“Yet I will trust You. Hold me. Do not let me go.”
Psalm 13 begins with “How long, O LORD?” and ends with:
“But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.”
— Psalm 13:5
Both parts belong in your prayers. You don’t have to clean up your feelings before you come to God. In fact, lament is one of the ways God begins to heal what hurts.
A simple prayer of lament you might use:
“Lord, this hurts more than I can say. I don’t understand why this happened. You say You are good; I don’t feel it right now. Please hold me when I cannot see You clearly. I choose, however weakly, to trust that You are near. Have mercy on me in my grief. Amen.”
3. What Trusted Shepherds Have Taught About Grief
Many wise Christian pastors have walked with God through sorrow and have helped others do the same. Here are a few helpful themes that echo across their counsel:
a. Don’t rush the process
Pastor Tim Keller wrote about grief as something that comes in waves—often stronger and longer than we expect. He warned against believing we must “get over it” quickly. Instead, he encouraged allowing sorrow its honest course while holding onto the promises of God.
b. Bring your “why” questions to God, not away from Him
Pastors like John Stott and Charles Spurgeon acknowledged that grief often raises piercing questions: “Why this?” “Why now?” They did not say, “A good Christian never asks why.” Instead, they urged believers to bring those questions straight to God, trusting that His shoulders are broad enough for our confusion and pain.
c. Let the church “carry” you for a while
Pastors such as Eugene Peterson and Dietrich Bonhoeffer emphasized that, in seasons of deep sorrow, we often cannot pray or sing or hope very well on our own. We need the church—brothers and sisters whose faith can “hold” us when ours feels thin. This may look like:
- Others praying for you when you can hardly pray
- Letting people bring meals, sit in silence, or simply be present
- Showing up to worship not because you feel like it, but because you are being carried
Bonhoeffer wrote that “the Christ in the word of my brother is stronger than the Christ in my own heart.” Sometimes hope must be borrowed.
4. Meeting God in the Valley
Psalm 23 does not say, “If I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,” but “Even though I walk…”—as if this valley is a place every believer will walk at some point.
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
— Psalm 23:4
Notice three small but important words: “through,” “for,” and “with.”
- You walk through the valley—not around it, not stuck in it forever.
- You do not have to fear, for God is stronger than the evil that threatens you.
- Most importantly, you are not alone; God is with you—even when you cannot feel Him.
In deep grief, God’s presence may feel more like a silent companionship than a loud answer. The Shepherd’s nearness is often quiet, like someone sitting in the ashes with you.
5. Gentle Suggestions for the Journey
No two grief journeys are identical, but these practices—drawn from Scripture and long Christian experience—may help you walk this path with God.
1. Give yourself permission to grieve
- Allow tears; they are not a lack of faith.
- Grief can affect sleep, concentration, and energy—this is not failure, it is part of being human.
- Remember that in Scripture, God keeps track of our tears: “You have kept count of my tossings;
put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?”
— Psalm 56:8
2. Stay connected, even in small ways
Isolation can deepen the ache. If you can:
- Let at least one or two trusted people know honestly how you’re doing.
- Ask someone to check in on you regularly, even with a brief text or call.
- If church feels overwhelming, perhaps sit near an exit, come late, or leave early—but try not to cut yourself off entirely from the body of Christ.
3. Anchor yourself in a few simple Scriptures
In deep sorrow, long reading plans can feel impossible. Instead, choose one or two short passages to return to repeatedly. For example:
- Psalm 34:18 – “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted…”
- Romans 8:38–39 – Nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ.
- Revelation 21:4 – God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.
Read them slowly. Pray them. Place them where you can see them. Let them be a small but steady anchor.
4. Remember the resurrection
Christian hope is not vague comfort; it is grounded in an event: Jesus rose from the dead.
“Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live.’”
— John 11:25
Pastors through the ages have reminded grieving Christians that because Jesus walked through death and came out the other side, death will not have the final word over His people. You may not feel that hope strongly today—but its truth does not depend on your feelings. It rests on Christ.
5. When to seek additional help
Grief is heavy, and it is not unspiritual to need extra support. It can be wise and godly to speak with:
- A pastor or elder who will listen and pray with you
- A Christian counselor who understands both Scripture and emotional health
- A support group of others who are grieving
If you find yourself unable to function at all, constantly wishing you were not alive, or thinking of harming yourself, please reach out immediately to a pastor, trusted friend, or local emergency number. Your life is precious to God.
6. A Final Word: God Remembers
In the book of Isaiah, God speaks to His people who feel forgotten in their pain:
“Can a woman forget her nursing child,
that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb?
Even these may forget,
yet I will not forget you.
Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.”
— Isaiah 49:15–16
At the cross, the Son of God stretched out His hands for you. In His risen, scarred hands are the proof that your name, your story, your sorrow have not been forgotten.
You may feel lost in your grief. God has not lost you.
A Prayer for Those Who Grieve
Lord Jesus, Man of Sorrows and risen King,
You know what it is to weep at a grave.
You know what it is to be abandoned and misunderstood.Look with mercy on me in my grief.
Hold me when I am too weak to hold onto You.
Give me grace to lament honestly and to trust You,
even when I cannot feel Your presence.Surround me with people who will walk with me.
Keep Your promises before my heart.
And, in Your time, turn my mourning into a deeper hope in You.I place my loved one, my loss, and my own heart into Your hands.
Come quickly, Lord Jesus, and wipe away every tear.
Amen.
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